my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
