Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
