I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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