Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
