good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize