I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
