Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
