Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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