Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
