my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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