I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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