you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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