he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize