I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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