Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
