I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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