Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
