We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize