hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
look no pants
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
