Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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