I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you win again, gameday.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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