I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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