What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
