Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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