she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
