laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
someone owes me an orgasm
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
