This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
