when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When are your genitals available?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
