This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
