did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
