She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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