We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
