Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
