I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize