He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just gift wrapped bread.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize