apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
