Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
