I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
