Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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