Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
