wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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