this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
