I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize