Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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