DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
