It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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