hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nicole vs. Life
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
