Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
