drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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