Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
