Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
