Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
