just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
