remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
