umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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