His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
