oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
