Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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