I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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