Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize